


To Trust a Headmaster

by emynn (orphan_account)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drabble Sequence, Established Relationship, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-19
Updated: 2013-01-19
Packaged: 2017-11-26 02:07:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/645365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/emynn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Severus gets a job offer he has to refuse. Harry thinks differently.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Trust a Headmaster

“I saw Minerva today.”

Severus glanced up from his stew to look at Harry. “Oh?”

“Yeah.” Harry set down his spoon. “Want to tell me anything?”

Severus’ heart beat slightly faster. “Not that I can think of.”

“Severus,” Harry said exasperatedly. “Why didn’t you tell me they want you back as Headmaster?”

Severus frowned down at his bowl. “There was nothing to discuss.”

Hurt flashed in Harry’s eyes. “You were just going to –”

“I can’t go back there, Harry,” Severus interrupted. “My time as Headmaster…I simply cannot. My demons will not allow me to.”

He stood, no longer hungry.

~*~

“Severus, wait,” Harry said, hurrying after him. He grabbed Severus’ forearm. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I’m not upset,” Severus said, not meeting Harry’s eyes. “I’m simply not hungry.”

“These demons,” Harry said. “I understand why you don’t like talking about that year. But I don’t want it to prevent you from doing what you want in life.”

“And what do you mean by that?” Severus snapped. “I’m perfectly content with my business.”

“You miss Hogwarts,” Harry said. “I can tell. I always thought you’d go back when you got the chance.”

Severus shook his head. “No. Never again.”

~*~

“Talk to me,” Harry said, taking Severus’ hand. “Is it Hogwarts, or just the Headmaster role in particular?”

Severus hung his head. “I did…unspeakable things as Headmaster. Unforgivable things. To children. To my colleagues.”

Harry brushed a hand over Severus’ cheek. “You were a spy.”

Severus shook his head. “Nobody was surprised by what I did. Nobody questioned it.”

“What are you saying?”

“I can’t trust myself,” Severus admitted. “I don’t know where Severus the Death Eater ended and Severus the man began.”

Harry’s jaw dropped. “You can’t believe you’d become some sort of sadist!”

“I don’t know,” Severus whispered.

~*~

“Severus,” Harry said. “Everything you did that year was to protect Hogwarts. Not a single student died under your care. Do you think that would have happened if Voldemort had appointed anybody else Headmaster?”

Severus shrugged. “Irrelevant.”

“It’s not,” Harry insisted. “You’re the best man I know. And everything, _everything_ you’ve done only assures me you’d be a brilliant Headmaster.”

“How can you be so certain?” Severus asked.

“Because I know you,” Harry said, kissing him. “Because I trust you.” Another kiss. “Because I believe in you.”

There, in Harry’s arms, Severus believed in himself for a moment as well.

~*~

“It’s not so simple. I’m terrified, Harry,” Severus admitted, his face heating with shame.

Harry stayed silent.

“I have nightmares,” Severus croaked. “I’m Headmaster, in the present day, but I’m just as monstrous as I was then.”

“They’re just old demons,” Harry said. 

“They’ve held fast all these years,” Severus said. “What if they grow stronger?”

“I’ll be right there helping you fight them off,” Harry said. “I promise. Always.”

Severus closed his eyes.

“But I won’t pressure you,” Harry said. “I’ll support you however you choose. I just want you to be happy.”

Severus nodded and held Harry close.

~*~

Steeling his nerves, Severus inhaled deeply, unlocked the chest, and pulled out his old teaching robes. 

Despite what Harry said, Severus knew there was blood on these robes. So much he could have done.

 _So much you still could do._ The voice inside his head that sounded suspiciously like Harry.

Severus’ heart thudded painfully in his chest. This was madness. He couldn’t possibly accept. 

But somehow, with Harry by his side and in his heart, his old demons seemed a bit further off – an echo rather than a cacophony. 

Severus slammed the chest shut.

He had a letter to write.


End file.
